Belonging.

All of my life I’ve been desperately searching for somewhere to ‘fit in’ and belong. Despite giving my life to Christ at a young age, I think the concept of belonging to God didn’t quite travel from head to heart, and the majority of my prayers throughout life have been frantically trying to scramble together enough things or people in my life to enable me to feel secure. I have been living out of a place of insecurity, knocking on God’s door and begging him to find me a place to belong and feel comfortable and safe, while all along God was saying “Charlotte, you live here, this is your home. Stop panicking, come out of the cold.”

When we give our lives to Christ, we are ‘born again’- dying to the messed up world that we find ourselves in, and choosing instead eternal life with the God who loves us. He always intended that we felt the most incredible sense of belonging. Adam and Eve felt no shame in the garden of Eden- they didn’t feel like frauds or misfits there. It was their home. When I go to my mum’s house, I don’t think twice about opening the fridge, putting my feet up on the sofa and clicking on trashy day time television because I know that I belong there- I don’t have to tiptoe around in fear or ask permission to do things. She loves me, and she says I belong. In the same way, God made the world and intended for us to fully enjoy it, steward it and look after it. But things went horribly wrong when we made bad choices with our God given free will, and that is where the sense of being lost began. We looked to other things for our sense of belonging because we believed the lie that other things could satisfy more.

Seeking belonging is an innate human need. We want to feel nurtured and loved and cared for by others. God said it wasn’t good for Adam to feel alone! Many things encouraged in Christianity symbolise the incredible intimacy that God wants us to have with him. The church is the bride of Christ, a family of believers who pray together, support one another, and love their community; when done right, it is a stunning picture of God’s love of family and inviting people in. Church is a home where people must feel free to express themselves, to cry and to be honest with each other, but it shouldn’t stop there- churches must point to the one who we truly belong to- Jesus. He is the cornerstone, the only one who can’t let us down, and the only one in whom we can truly find that ultimate sense of belonging. The point of community on earth should always be to point to Christ. Marriage is another stunning example of God’s beautiful plan for mankind. In marriage, husband and wife are said to belong to each other, and to serve one another. It is a lifelong commitment to love, and a place where belonging can be found- but again, spouses should be continually pointing each other to Christ, to welcome people into family, and to point others to Christ- this will look different for every couple.

I can look back at each point in my life and identify a concern I had at each point. Most of these concerns were about building a stable life for myself and somewhere where I could breathe a sigh of relief and say ‘Ahhh, I’ve made it. The work was worth it. I can relax now, I feel that belonging I’ve been craving.’ But we all know that life doesn’t quite work out like that, and the things that we thought would satisfy- top grades, university places, marriage, family, mortgages, careers- don’t quite fill that emptiness inside. It’s like we are building a tower of ‘things’ taller and taller, and eventually things will topple over. Some people go through life relatively unscathed, but of course, death is inevitable, and all these things we worked so hard for come to an end. Some people go through life feeling that they never belong- perhaps you were brought up in a neglectful environment and so you’ve always been desperate for a happy family, perhaps you didn’t do well in school and you felt rejected by teachers, perhaps you have had many friendship problems throughout the years and you’ve always felt like a misfit, perhaps you were betrayed or abused by a partner who promised to love you, or you are going through infertility and wondering where you will find your sense of belonging if you don’t have children. Perhaps you’ve never been able to afford to buy a home, and renting makes you feel like your belonging in the community where you live is more fragile. Perhaps you have always wanted a partner but the right person hasn’t turned up in your life yet. God does want to bless us in this life, and many of these desires are God-given, but it is not his intention that we feel insecure and fragile until these things are fulfilled in our lives. God’s word says that his ‘love is better than life’ (Psalm 63:3) – we don’t have to wait for something on this earth, to fully satisfy the deepest longings of our heart- to feel wanted and loved.

I didn’t realise how much of my sense of belonging came from being married, until my marriage suddenly ended. I was left feeling completely bereft and exposed, wondering where my place was in the world now. We can hide behind our titles or careers and families, thinking we have fully committed our hearts to God, when really we are popping in and out of God’s house and spending most of our time in the houses we have created on the sand, made of all the ‘things’ we have collected to make us feel more secure. Let’s be careful- we are told in the Word of God that we do not belong to this world (John 15:19). We are told that instead, we are “a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light”. When I think about ‘belonging’ in our society, it often involves divisions and cliques and closed doors- we are either invited or we are not. We are often knocking on doors to be accepted, and often rejected. But with Christ it is different- literally everyone is accepted, because of what He achieved on the cross for us. We are no longer disqualified. All divisions, and cliques and closed doors were destroyed forever more when Jesus defeated death- we are all invited into his family! Ephesians 1:5 says “He predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will”. How incredible- before any of us were even born, God had seen our desperation for belonging and our need for a Saviour, and sent Jesus to ensure our safe journey home to be with him.

When we give our lives to Christ here and now, the bible says we are ‘born again’- this means we are still living in a fallen messy world, but our souls, the very essence of who we are, is secure forever, adopted into God’s family. 2 Corinthians 1:21-22 says “it is God who establishes us with you in Christ, and has anointed us, and who has also put his seal on us and given us his Sprit in our hearts as a guarantee”. We belong forevermore- and the very God who we belong to chooses to live within us. We are God’s temple! (1 Corinthians 3:16-17) We no longer have to strive to be accepted or find belonging in the world- in fact, that is the very opposite of what we should be doing. We should be striving to point others to the true source of all belonging, and where all our hearts desires can be fulfilled forevermore.

As I sit here, convinced of my belonging to Christ, of my adoption to sonship, my fears are gently being quieted. I know that my significance or position in society, or in other’s eyes, does not determine my worth or change my position in the arms of God. In fact, I am more and more aware that many of the things that boosted my sense of belonging, actually added to my insecurities- the fragility of many of these things instils fear. What if I lose my children? What if I lose my home? Where will I find my belonging then? But if we truly understand that our citizenship is in heaven (Philippians 3:20), truly nothing can shake us. Our souls are secure in God. The presence of trouble in our lives does not equate with a lack of the presence of God. I remember my house being burgled in the night whilst my baby son was asleep next to me- it was a frightening experience and the burglar got away with a few of my possessions and my car. I remember having a picture the day before of my room being like a tent, and God’s promise of protection over me. I also remember having the random thought the day before to hide my camera (which had lots of unbacked-up photos on it) in my drawer upstairs which I have never done in the multiple years of having it. The protection of the photos is an example of the beautiful kindness of the Lord, but most importantly, I recall having such a sense of God’s protection over me. I remember thinking that there is something that the enemy, or a thief in the night, can take away from me. And that is my security and belonging with Christ, draped over my soul like a tent of protection. The bible actually tells us to expect trouble in this life, but when we understand that nothing can separate us from the love of God- “No height, nor depth, nor any other created thing” (Romans 8:39), we can finally rest and our fears can be stilled. When we look at all the things on earth that we find belonging in, the number of things that could separate us from these things is endless. God’s kindness in ensuring that we could would never be cut off from his love when we put our trust in him, is phenomenal. And it is a testament to His outrageous, undeserved love for us.

So what do we do if we have this overwhelming desperation to belong or to fit somewhere? We shouldn’t be ashamed of this desire. In fact, God says he longs to “place the lonely in families” (Psalm 68:6) and if you are feeling alone, God doesn’t want you to remain there. Pray that God would show you who to reach out to. And be aware of others who may need your love! But we shouldn’t expect to find complete belonging here on earth- our true belonging can only be found with our creator, and the one who loves us unconditionally through his grace- true belonging is love, after all. We should ask God to dwell in our hearts, and to seek his face. In Psalm 27:4, David says “One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple”. We have access to God’s temple at all times- the veil was torn when Jesus died. We can ask God for help and assurance and comfort at any time. It takes practice to hear his voice, but his presence is always with us. Live by faith and not by sight; have confidence in the fact that he is speaking to you and guiding you. Belonging to him happens when we make the decision to trust him, but really understanding that belonging, and living this truth out, is a daily decision. It is a decision to believe that our deepest longings can only be met in him, that the desperate longings of our hearts can sometimes be wrongly directed. It is a daily decision to trust that God loves us more than any human or community can. It is a daily decision to stay in the home of God, rather than the home we build ourselves. Be led by the spirit rather than your flesh! Go sit on the sofa in your Father’s house where there is an inheritance that is ‘imperishable, undefiled, and unfading’ (1 Peter 1:4) , and rest!

Revelation 21:3- And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God.”

1 John 2:15- “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.”